Babelfish, Vanillafluffy-style
Jun. 29th, 2007 01:40 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vanillafluffyToday? Is just weird. I'm convinced it's Saturday, I keep telling myself it's Friday, and I still feel like it's Saturday.
Yesterday---full moon, blue moon, Mercury retrograde---off the chain. Almost every call needed Help Desk (Thankfully, they were there, and, for the most part, helpful.) and my call-handle time was in the sewer.
I clenched my teeth and didn't tell He-Boss to fuck off and fuck himself when he commented about me taking a long lunch. As long as Incharge okays it, it's none of his fucking business. I seriously dislike that guy....
She-Boss pulled me in to listen to one of my calls. She's okay most of the time; yesterday she played a call that was calibrated by the partner in question---meaning the folks at Pelts Leathermore listened to and commented on it---and they *loved* how sincere I was. It's acting, is what it is.
If you translate some of those "sincere" phrases, here's what you get:
Phrase: "Thank you for calling Pelts Leathermore, this is Vanillafluffy, how may I help you today?"
Translation: "Dude, I'm making $10 an hour sitting on my ass talking on the phone!"
Phrase: "You received the wrong item? I'm very sorry to hear that."
Translation: "...because now I'm going to have to write up three requests to fix your problem, and my talk time is going to tank."
Phrase: "I can help you place that order---I love helping people shop!"
Translation: "It beats the hell out of arguing about their medical bills."
Phrase: "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Translation: "As soon as I get rid of you, I can take my break/browse eBay/continue the conversation I was having with the chick next to me."
Phrase: "It's been delightful shopping with you."
Translation: "You spent a bunch of money, which will make my stats look good. Yay!"
But hey, the customers are happy, my boss is happy, the partners are happy, and I've done dirtier jobs for a lot less money!
Yesterday---full moon, blue moon, Mercury retrograde---off the chain. Almost every call needed Help Desk (Thankfully, they were there, and, for the most part, helpful.) and my call-handle time was in the sewer.
I clenched my teeth and didn't tell He-Boss to fuck off and fuck himself when he commented about me taking a long lunch. As long as Incharge okays it, it's none of his fucking business. I seriously dislike that guy....
She-Boss pulled me in to listen to one of my calls. She's okay most of the time; yesterday she played a call that was calibrated by the partner in question---meaning the folks at Pelts Leathermore listened to and commented on it---and they *loved* how sincere I was. It's acting, is what it is.
If you translate some of those "sincere" phrases, here's what you get:
Phrase: "Thank you for calling Pelts Leathermore, this is Vanillafluffy, how may I help you today?"
Translation: "Dude, I'm making $10 an hour sitting on my ass talking on the phone!"
Phrase: "You received the wrong item? I'm very sorry to hear that."
Translation: "...because now I'm going to have to write up three requests to fix your problem, and my talk time is going to tank."
Phrase: "I can help you place that order---I love helping people shop!"
Translation: "It beats the hell out of arguing about their medical bills."
Phrase: "Is there anything else I can help you with today?"
Translation: "As soon as I get rid of you, I can take my break/browse eBay/continue the conversation I was having with the chick next to me."
Phrase: "It's been delightful shopping with you."
Translation: "You spent a bunch of money, which will make my stats look good. Yay!"
But hey, the customers are happy, my boss is happy, the partners are happy, and I've done dirtier jobs for a lot less money!