vanillafluffy: (Zombies)
[personal profile] vanillafluffy
It's been a long day. I've had *maybe* four hours of sleep---could NOT get comfortable last night. Got up, showered---a word of advice, gals: Put on your bra BEFORE you paint your nails, especially if you're in a hurry. Irridescent lime green, of course, to match The Hat.

J arrived in a timely manner, we got there with time to spare, and The Hat was a hit.

The pastor of Kat's church spoke first...actually, he sang first, to a canned countrified version of...I don't remember what it was. I've heard the hymn before, but the title escapes me*. Anyway, between the Baptist karaoke and the fact that the guy reminded me of Robin Williams channeling John Wayne, I was glad to have a veil to veil my smirk.

Pastor then gave us a lengthy harrangue of preachification. I sat quietly and thought seditious, heretical things.

GK took the podium and gave us memories of her mom. She choked up when thanking her hub for holding down the fort so she could come down to visit, and then at the end, when she sang "The Yellow Rose of Texas".

Then I said my piece (under the cut below), and the pastor, who was sitting behind me, actually let loose a couple 'amen's. I didn't lose it, for which I'm grateful---I must've gotten it out of my system yesterday.

After the service...unfortunately, S and T showed up. I talked to S last night and she was fine, but today, she was wasted. J and I were both pretty ticked off, but making a scene certainly wasn't going to solve anything. They showed up at the luncheon at the church, too, and S reminded me of Kat toward the end, with the dementia...she wasn't carrying on the same conversation as the rest of us.

Lambie Pie gave me a stack of books...I'm not into the vamp stuff at all, but she swears it's hilarious. Hey, free books...free is good, right? We'll see.

Tomorrow morning, GK's hub leaves with Things 1 & 2, and in the afternoon, we (meaning her, her brothers, their wives and I) will get together at Kat's place and start divying up what's left. Fingers crossed, that means I'll have a microwave by tomorrow evening.

And now, a long overdue nap. Thanks for all the love and support, youse guys. It's helped.


***


When I think of Kathy, a verse from Proverbs comes to mind: "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." She was a priceless friend to so many of us. For more than 30 years, I was blessed to have Kathy in my life. In many ways, she took the place of my own mother, who died when I was 16.

One of the things that drew us together, in addition to my friendship with her kids, was the fact that they lived around the corner from me, and I literally couldn't come or go without passing their home. Kathy always made me feel welcome. After my dad died, I was invited to spend holidays over there. Even when her own offspring had moved out, Kathy's door was still open to me.

Another thing that Proverbs says about the virtuous woman is that, "When she speaks, her words are wise, and kindness is the rule for everything she says." Kathy was the sweetest, most non-judgemental person I've ever known. I'm needy, I know I'm needy, and I'm sure I must have tried her patience at times, but I don't remember her ever speaking sharply to me. If I was mad about something, she was indignant on my behalf. If I had a problem, she'd suggest a solution.

She was there for me more times than I can begin to count, and it was always no strings attached. In the days before I got a clue about how to dress, Kathy never said a word about how loose, tight, faded or just plain ugly my clothes were. She didn't try to change me, didn't protest that something was "inappropriate", she just loved me unconditionally and made me feel better about myself, no matter what.

We hung out together, just us girls, running errands, having lunch. Kathy was old enough to be the mother of my classmates, but she was just two years older than my big brother, so the generation gap didn't seem like such a chasm. We always had something to talk about, whether it was stuff on the TV, an article in a magazine, her job (when she was still working), my job, what the kids and grandkids were up to---we never seemed to have any of those awkward silences; it was always companionable.

In case you think that means she was a goody-goody-two-shoes, she wasn't. She had her pet peeves. In spite of only having a high school education, Kathy was extremely smart, and it drove her nuts when people butchered the English language. Things like misplaced apostrophes on signs or confusing 'there' (place) with 'their' (possessive)--that really bugged her. She once wrote to a company that used Roman numerals incorrectly in their ad---not only did they fix it, they credited her with the correction! A weather broadcast talking about the 'Golf' of Mexico would set her off, or home decorating shows where the host turned 'mirror' into 'meer'. And heaven help you if you mispronounced her home state! "It's TEXas, not TAXes!" she'd say with exasperation.

It was that "Don't mess with Texas" attitude that kept her going for so long. She survived breast cancer for nearly two decades, put up a helluva fight against lung cancer and held out against the tumors in her liver a lot longer than her doctors expected. That's in keeping with the traits of a virtuous woman, for "She is a woman of strength and dignity and has no fear of old age." And while I'm sure we all wish she could have been healthy and with us for many more years, the years we were blessed to know her have given us an example of virtue to live up to.

Kathy, my hat's off to you! (Which I then did, to gratifying applause.)

***



* "How Great Thou Art".
.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-20 09:20 pm (UTC)
ladyjane: whipped cream and hand-cuffs. "Got Plans?" (Default)
From: [personal profile] ladyjane
*hugs*
That was a beautiful eulogy.
I only knew her through your posts, but could tell she was special. I wish I'd had the privilege to know her in person. She was an amazing woman and will be missed by many.

She is the type of woman who brings light to a world that sometimes seems overwhelmed by darkness. I, for one, take comfort in knowing that such people exist. If even a small portion of her wisdom, acceptance, kindness, and loving heart lives on in those who knew her, there is hope. I cling to that.


Thank you for sharing her with us.
Janie

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 12:29 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
She really was like that---one person after another said so. Sometimes the hard part was remembering that NOT everyone was that positive, generous and open-minded.

Thanks for being here.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-20 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com
That is a beautiful eulogy. Everyone should be fortunate enough to be remembered with such love. *hugs*

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
If only everyone had that kind of person in their life, or better still, if only everyone WAS that kind of person---what a wonderful world it would be!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 02:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karaokegal.livejournal.com
From your header I thought maybe Kat had similar ideas to my own. My "funeral" will be a big karaoke party at the Mint, and some of my ashes will get scattered at the back.

YAY you for giving a beautiful eulogy and holding it together through all of this.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 03:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
IMO, it was purely grandstanding on the part of the preacher. I *will* say he's got a good voice, and I finally remember what the song was: How Great Thou Art. I was fading fast when I posted....

The whole business was entirely too Christian for my taste. I'm working on plans for my funeral, and the playlist includes the Dropkick Murphys version of "Amazing Grace", "Ding Dong, the Witch is Dead" and...the Universe has a sense of humor. J turned on the car radio as we were leaving the cemetary, and Blue Oyster Cult was playing Don't Fear the Reaper. That definitely goes on the list!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 03:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com
After my Baptist uncle's funeral at which the minister gave three, count'em -- THREE altar calls, I swore to never go to another Baptist funeral. Even though Mom's a Baptist, she's getting a Presbyterian funeral on the grounds that if funerals are for the living, then I'm going to be comfortable at hers.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 05:02 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
Three altar calls? Shoot me now. If the service had been at church rather than a funeral home, Heaven knows. J said she almost nodded off, but she's a lot more into the heavy-duty pulpit-pounding than I'll ever be.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-22 03:48 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karaokegal.livejournal.com
Love me some BOC!!!

Yeah, the Mint IS my church, so that's about the only religion I want celebrated at the event.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 03:20 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] socialhermit.livejournal.com
Your "eugoogelie" was AMAZING. I'm betting Kat's up there beyond the Pearly Gates directing traffic and having a blast. :-)

At my brother-in-law's funeral they played "Mama I'm Coming Home" by Ozzy Osbourne. If you knew Mitch, it was an absolutely perfect choice.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 05:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
I was nonplused when I heard GK tell someone she had to google how to write a eulogy. She and I used to be writing buddies back in the day---before she married and spawned---and she was in MENSA. I guess she's really gotten out of shape as far as written communication skills go. Whereas I write constantly, even when it's just blogging....

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 05:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] socialhermit.livejournal.com
The mind is like a muscle - if you don't use it, you lose it!

And I hope you didn't mind the Zoolander reference. I can't hear or see the word 'eulogy' without thinking of the way he pronounced it in the movie!

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 03:17 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
I didn't even get the reference. Nope. Clueless....

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 03:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] socialhermit.livejournal.com
Oh, sorry!

Ben Stiller plays a vapid male fashion model. Hilarious.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-21 10:19 pm (UTC)
fufaraw: mist drift upslope (Default)
From: [personal profile] fufaraw
That's a beautiful eulogy. And I'm sorry you were subjected to Baptist karaoke and preachification, but you're a rock for enduring it for Kat's sake and her kids'.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-22 02:40 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
Thank you. What was funny was, the preacher had assured GK that he was going to slip in "just a little" of God's plan for salvation and that we'd hardly notice it. Uh, yeah, right...and it's NOT the most egregious service I've ever sat through---but I'm not gonna go THERE.

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-22 09:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ang5fam.livejournal.com
My Dad's cousin died last month and I attended her funeral- Seventh Day Adventist do the alter call as well.
It was a nice service other than that- I guess they figure they'll try and catch folks while they are in a weakened state of mind- ha ha

(no subject)

Date: 2010-02-22 10:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
They wouldn't catch me with anything but tranquilizer darts and a net. But hey, he knew Kat for a long time, so he was the first choice as someone who would've known her, spiritaully speaking.

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