22 to 50: 1988

[vanillafluffy]

I know I haven't mentioned my weight in a while, but I guaran-damn-ty that it was still an issue, even without Dad there to harp on it. There was that Look I got when I showed interest in a guy---that deer-in-the-headlights look that was followed by "I don't think of you *that* way, I think of you as a really good friend.". Some day, some guy is going to say that to me and I'm gonna snap. (You read it here first.)

I have a memory for weights and dates---270 when Dad died, 295 when I got back from London, and around 318 at the beginning of this time frame. An old friend of S's showed up in early '88---this was sbjb, who was doing OA at the time, and I started going to meetings, although it didn't click for the first few months. After the Steve Riley incident, though, I got religion in a rock and roll way. Got very conscientious about what I ate, exercized constantly, lost weight steadily.

Also early in the year, I got a new job---a good thing, because my funds had run out, and the party was threatening to grind to a halt. This was the answering service job, the one that started me on the career-in-customer-service pathway.

Did I mention there were rock concerts? That spring, I went to one at Watermania, a local water park, in case you couldn't tell from the name. Ted Nugent was the headliner, but I was mostly there for LA Guns---their drummer, Steve Riley, used to be with WASP, who I absolutely adored. I found a way to sneak backstage and met him (and the bass player, Kelly Nickles, who was sooo pretty), and it had a big impact. I have never before or since, been so gung-ho on any diet.

Granted, I was never going to be one of those petite little things who jiggled past with their skirts up to their hoohahs and their tits out to there, but I felt sexy for the first time in my life. By that Christmas, I could actually get into clothes from 'regular' stores---around a size 14/16---and Fashion Bug was getting a lot of my money. It was at this time I learned the difference between "Hey, at least I can get into it" and "It fits.".

That New Year, sbjb and I hung out and had carrots and yogurt-based dip. I was 'good' at work, too: We got lots of edible gifts at the office from our clients, and I noticed something ironic: The doctors sent boxes of candy. The funeral homes sent fruit.


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Comments

[gwylliondream.livejournal.com]

Fascinating as always. As someone who has struggled with weight my whole life, I can totally empathize.

Have a wonderful day!

XO
Donna

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

And it never gets any easier, does it?

Hang in there!

[foreverhermit.livejournal.com]

While I've carried the odd 15-extra pounds now and again, I've never (so far) had a weight issue. Hope you don't mind my asking but - have you experienced the "discrimination against heavy people" thing? If so, knowing you (and I mean that in a good way), I'm sure you've come up with some awesome ways of dealing with it. Scathing words? Withering look? In-their-face attitude?

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

I can only think of one particularly nasty enccunter about ten years ago---I was out getting my mail, and a little girl rode up to me on her bike and asked if I had any kids. I thought, "Aw, she doesn't have anyone to play with and she's lonely." I said no, and she said, "Good, because they might be fat like you."

Poisonous stuff from a kid who couldn't have been more than 8 or 9! I'm sure she absorbed that attitude from her parents, and unless she was a wicked little thing, I doubt she was trying to be hurtful. I took a deep breath and said, "You know, being fat or thin doesn't matter as much as whether or not you're a nice person."

And I took my mail and went inside and just shook my head. People wonder why I'm not fond of kids? Because too many of them have been raised with no manners or courtesy whatsoever!
.

[foreverhermit.livejournal.com]

Oh my God. *shakes head with you* I've encountered childrens' cruelty, as well (though never directed at me). Seriously makes you wonder what they're experiencing/witnessing at home!

LOVE your reply to her, though. You'll never know for sure, but hopefully it planted a seed....

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

I'm just glad that I was able to respond calmly. Being nasty to children just encourages them to be nasty, and heaven knows, there's enough of that! I think it helped that I already felt sorry for her before she opened her mouth.