vanillafluffy: (Success failure)
[personal profile] vanillafluffy
I'd signed up ages ago to be the speaker at church today. I had a plan, even: I'd downloaded a 35-minute talk by Mike Dooley, of TUT.com. DL had been on my desktop for even more ages; I hadn't actually opened it, but I figured since it was a combo of positive-thinking and visualization, that it would be just the thing for a Sunday morning.

Cut to late Friday, when I realized the damn thing was an MP3, not a video as I'd thought. Major OH SHIT moment, as I imagined averyone sitting there for 35 minutes staring into space.

Okay, I decided. I'll put together a slideshow to run in the background and give 'em something to look at.

I tried. I really did. Went through my picture folders trying to find images that weren't offensive or too weird (200 assorted images of shoes might be a bit much). Hit on the notion of doing a Google image search for wallpapers: Scenery, wildlife, nature, animals, stuff like that.

I was congratulating myself on snagging a broad variety of pretties, when I tried to run it as a slide show. Disaster! In my stressed-out frenzy, I made a rookie mistake---I'd grabbed the icons, not the images. Damn things were the size of postage stamps and would NOT have showed up on the screen.

That was at 10:10 this morning, and there *was* no Plan B.

I loaded up my computer and headed out the door, feeling like a total fuck-up. Was zooming toward church, trying to distract myself by planning what I wanted to talk about during Joys and Concerns. There was no service last week because of the picnic, so I wanted to say something about Staten Island.

That was when it hit me. Regardless of whether the presentation went well or poorly, in two hours, it would be over and done with. It wasn't life or death, and while I might be disappointed by my attempt at a slide show, people make mistakes, and this one wasn't going to drastically affect my existance.

I calmed down.

The presentation was mostly well-received. There was one woman, not a regular, who had some criticism to make; apparently she used to go to a church that had practiced positive thinking and gambled its way to insolvency. Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln, it went pretty well.

Tomorrow, Mb's invited me to come over and watch TV, so she can get some of it off her DVR. She's been busy elsewhere for the last few weeks, so I'm looking forward to it.

.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-11-11 11:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thru-the-blinds.livejournal.com
Good for you, trying everything you could and then realizing (when it wasn't coming together) it wouldn't be the End Of Things. I know those feelings well, so I also know how empowering - or, at the very least, calming - it is when you finally just shrug and let it go. :-)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-11-12 12:49 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
Yeah, it also shut up the little voice that was cackling about how ironic it was that I was on my way to give a talk on positive thinking when I was so positively convinced I was a fuck-up.

.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-11-12 01:06 am (UTC)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-11-12 12:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] pwcorgigirl.livejournal.com
Good for you, hon. A lot of people would have bailed at that point, but you turned it into something good. *hugs*

I have to know: how on earth does a church gamble? The Episcopalians make us watch every cent like it's a sick lamb and we're sheepdogs. :D

(no subject)

Date: 2012-11-12 12:56 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
IDK! She said something about lottery tickets and bingo equipment, Sounds to me like they needed a chapter of Gamblers Anonymous!

I don't think she got the point of the presentation, which was, you don't tell the Universe how to do its thing, just focus on the end result and don't dwell on the stuff that can go wrong. Hell, you've seen Flight of the Phoenix---it's like the joke about the priest and the rabbi at the boxing match---the fighter can cross himself for all he's worth, but it won't mean a thing if he can't fight!

.

(no subject)

Date: 2012-11-12 01:07 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thru-the-blinds.livejournal.com
Maybe the nay-sayer meant her the church played the stock market and lost?

(no subject)

Date: 2012-11-14 07:02 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] karaokegal.livejournal.com
Good job! Nice to face the fear and come through the other end. (I wish I could make myself do that more often.)

(no subject)

Date: 2012-11-14 07:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] vanillafluffy.livejournal.com
Thanks. I haven't really screwed up a talk yet; although this one is a close second to the service dog talk, which I never did get properly written up...I had a bare outline and kind of winged it. As far as participation goes, I find it easier to give a talk than spring for hospitality, although I do that as well, when I'm able to afford it. I'm certainly not shy!

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