Just Suppose: A Pep Talk

[vanillafluffy]

SPN has spoiled me. I've spent most of the last four years emeshed in its cuddly coils, surrounded by hordes of like-minded fangirls ready to coo and hug and welcome the fics that dripped from my pen. Not every fic---Hereafter the Balance was mostly ignored, ditto Iron and Faith and a few others, but out of the 50---yes, I counted them---50+ SPN stories and crossovers that I've posted, they've by and large gotten an enthusiastic reception. IE, my comment-whore self was satistied.

Mind you, when it comes to writing/posting in fandom, I started out in Once Upon a Time in Mexico, which is about as much of a cult fandom as you can get, branching out to Johnny Depp fandoms at large...and knowing nothing else, I was fairly pleased by the response I got.

This was all over at ff.net before I found my way to LJ. I spent about a year tapering off Depp and flirting with other things---Brosnan's Bond, Vin Diesel, who/whatever caught my fancy. I didn't start posting fic here until I got into House, MD, which was an eye-opener. It was my first experience with a mega-fandom, the kind with a vast and voracious audience.

My infatuation with House proved to be fairly brief, about six months with the occasional follow-up ficlet since, because Supernatural had ensnared me. SPN proved to be even more satisfying than House, for me. Lots of comments on LJ, lots of hits at ff.net...this has become the norm.

And now, I seem to be falling in love with Justified, which seems to be more of a cult thing so far, ala OUaTiM. Correspondingly, the two fics I've produced haven't gotten the kind of response I've become accustomed to.

I know, it's not supposed to be about the comments. It's supposed to be about the characters, and making them ring true. It's supposed to be about taking canon and adding to it, about crafting a satisfying coda to events, a prequel that will lead to the truths we already know, something new that blends in with the original. It's supposed to be about the words, refining their inflection and cadence to evoke feelings and images for the reader that make it as believable as the on-screen scenarios. It's supposed to be about love of the fandom---whatever fandom.

Perhaps that's naive of me. My ego certainly wants to stand up and demand recognition. It tosses its head and says, Well yes, they *were* very nice reviews, but there were only FOUR of them. This completely ignores the forty-odd years I spent with no audience whatsoever except the occasional friend I could corner and force-feed my scribblings. How easily we are seduced by fame!

Clearly, it's time for me to suck up my pride and get back to basics. I will write what's in my heart and not concern myself with audience participation. (Easier said than done!) I will be thorough in my editing and not rush to post. I will remember the words of Hemingway, who said, "Write the truest sentence you know", and Leonard, who said, "If it sounds like writing, (I) rewrite it.". And I will try not to be too damn vocal about the whole process.

So mote it be.

.

Comments

[foreverhermit.livejournal.com]

I understand where you're coming from with the feedback (or lack thereof) and you shouldn't feel bad about...er, feeling that way. It's not about getting either praise or damnation, it's about connecting with your readers. You love the subject matter or you wouldn't be writing about it, and they must at least *like* it too or they wouldn't be reading fic about it. So that connection, that give and take, is fuel for the fire. Writing for yourself should always come first, methinks, but it's definitely nice to know someone else is enjoying it (or not!) once in awhile.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

it's about connecting with your readers

...and about knowing I've *got* readers. I'm not dumping on you---if you're not into a fandom, you're not into a fandom---but the main Justified fic community has 152 watchers, and only 3 of them commented?! I know, the world doesn't revolve around me AND it's a holiday weekend and folks have stuff going on. I've never thought Pride was a sin I had much of an issue with, but I've been wrong before.

[foreverhermit.livejournal.com]

I'm not dumping on you

Oh, I know! I didn't take it that way at all. I was just commiserating, I guess, as a fellow writer (though I haven't written anything in ages). I do understand why you crave - for lack of a better word - the feedback, and you shouldn't feel bad about that. It's completely understandable!

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

*leans head on your shoulder* Thanks. I don't want to be in one of those "Special snowflake" moods, but lately it's been rough going.

[foreverhermit.livejournal.com]

You and me both, girl. You and me both.

*leans head back*

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I read your back-and-forth with the legal beagles about Asshat. I think we both need a spa weekend and a few umbrella drinks to relax.

[foreverhermit.livejournal.com]

Oh, it's gotten worse since then.

Asshat was supposed to pick Caelie up at 5:30PM today for the 4th holiday and bring her back at 11PM tomorrow (Sunday), right? This is the Standard Order schedule. Except that this afternoon (while she and I were seeing the movie "The Last Airbender") he texted me that he's not the only one who's supposed to pick up/drop off. Huh? He said "I'll get her at 5:30 today but you need to pick her up here tomorrow night at 11." Uh, no. I threatened him with the cops and legal action (contempt of court). He says his "attorney" told him the cops won't do anything. I called them to ask what my options are and they told me I'd have to take him back to court - they won't do anything to help me. The thing is, he's BEEN picking up and dropping off for over a year now - duh? The parent who has visitation (that would be him) is the one who gets the kid and brings them back home. My son's dad did that with Christian for 11 freaking years! He never once whined about me not picking up or dropping off! I don't know what kind of stupid-ass game Asshat is playing but I'm f*cking sick of it.
So now I get to wait til tomorrow night at 10:55PM to see if he's bluffing, or if he's really not bringing her home. And yes, I can go get her but that's not the point. I can't reach Atty Leipply as he's probably out of town this weekend, so I have no idea what I'm going to do if Asshat insists on being a dick.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Oh good grief.

But my money's on your lawyer, even if it's a delayed reaction,

[foreverhermit.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah. Atty Leipply is NOT gonna be a happy camper when he gets my message. And sorry about 'hijacking' your journal - didn't mean to turn it into a Me!Fest.

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

You seem to be in a good place about this right now, so yay for getting there. I know we've both suffered the comment whore blues together and separately in the past.

I wish you'd held on a little tighter to House for many, many reasons, but I honestly can't say the show itself deserves you anymore.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

I honestly can't say the show itself deserves you anymore.

I read some House season 6 spoilers in TV Guide last night and ugh! It sounds like a schmoopfest if I ever saw one. Include me out!

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

The only thing worse than badly done canon slash is pretty much what seems to be coming up.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Hey, change of subject, tho still TV---SyFy channel is showing a movie called "Polar Storm" with your beau Jack Coleman. It started at 7 here, but you may still be able to catch it if you're interested. (Being SyFy, it's probably drek, but hey, it's still JC.)

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the heads up. My Coleman fetish is mostly centered on Noah Bennet and my memories of Dynasty, rather than the sort where I'd follow him to the ends of the earth, or at least bad SyFy movies.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

I hear ya. But doesn't it give you a warm glow to know that I instantly associate him with you?

[karaokegal.livejournal.com]

Warm and fuzzy in the extreme. :)

[fufaraw]

There's an essential truthfulness to the characters you write about, an honesty to the writing that cuts to the core of whatever story you're telling, and to the inner self of the characters, even if the story is about trickery and subterfuge. The vision and the truth, and the faithfulness to character, are why I read what you write. Even, now and then, if it's not my fandom, or my show. But I hope you do continue to write in SPN, and I hope you write more in Justified. Because you do both of them proud.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the vote of confidence. It makes me very happy, because for me, it's ALL about character. I am more apt to get into a fandom for character than pretty, although the two aren't mutually exclusive. *coughJDMcough*

Thanks, also, for you willingness to read outside your comfort zone. I'm on the fence about SPN---we'll see how season 6 goes---but I've got a few WIPs that I'd like to get done before I fold up my tent and depart.

Justified, on the other hand, is definitely going to get further commitment from me; I think it's amazing. And proving my previous point, while Timothy Olyphant is very pretty, it's Boyd Crowder who owns my soul. (Although I *must* get my hands on the pilot, which I didn't catch. And alas, all the online resources I can find either want money or they're scams.) I've got a few ideas for a 'verse for him, and a couple crossovers for Raylan, I wouldn't want to neglect him!