Confessions of a One-Track Mind

Sometimes, upward mobility isn't all it's cracked up to be.

When, for instance, the lawn crew begins work at 7:45 right under your bedroom window.

I was going to say "being rich" as opposed to "upwardly mobile", but I suspect the Cs don't regard themselves as such.

What criteria do I use to proclaim upward mobility?

Okay, for starters, they have a home in a desirable neighborhood. If my house was the Taj Mahal, it would still be in a crap neighborhood.

When things break, they repair or replace them. Which sounds like a no-brainer, but if you've got zero savings or credit, easier said than done.

They have domestic help inside and out, a weekly or bi-weekly (as needed) cleaner in addition to the yard service.

They have automatic bill-pay on everything. I don't have it on anything, because my finances have *never* been that secure. One payment at the wrong time could topple the whole house of cards.

They buy new things. As in, lots of books and videos. I have yet to see a used bookstore stamp or a pawn shop sticker on any of them. I *have* run across a few 3-figure Barnes & Noble reciepts.

They both drive new cars. Not new as in "this model year", but as in "not previously owned".

They have savings, retirement accounts and credit. I have four bags of aluminum cans.

They win. I can't begin to comete. Not that it's a competition---keeping up with the neighbors is a mug's game---but I'm completely outclassed.


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Ah, the Oscars. I *was* amused by the montage at the beginning of the awards, particularly in light of Friday's thread about Morgan Freeman doing voiceovers. The presenters did an adequate job. I loved Anne Hathaway's elegant white dress. James Franco in red, eh, not so much.

Big cheer for Kirk Douglas, whom I've adored since I was 10 and saw him in 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. Am happy for Christian Bale; although being so gob-smacked that you forget your wife's name---! Dude, you owe her for that. I'm thinking lots of roses and some serious bling. Javier Bardem scores points for being a JDM look-alike. (I hear he can act, too.)

I'm disappointed that "True Grit" was snubbed by the Oscars. I don't think there was much doubt that The King's Speech was going to get the Best Picture, but SOME recognition, especially for young Hallie Whatsername would've been good. Damn it, westerns are a dying genre; what, we get one maybe every other year? Overlooking a gem like this is the kind of thing that's helping to kill it off, because studios only greenlight projects they think are going to bring in money or prestige. And I *don't* think Cowboys and Aliens is going to be a prestige picture, so let's hope it makes gobs of money.

Am also disappointed that my cataloging of fics hasn't brought about any flurry of reviews. (First typed that as "a fluffy of reviews", there's a Freudian typo for ya! No, damn it, the world does NOT revolve around me.)
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SPN has spoiled me. I've spent most of the last four years emeshed in its cuddly coils, surrounded by hordes of like-minded fangirls ready to coo and hug and welcome the fics that dripped from my pen. Not every fic---Hereafter the Balance was mostly ignored, ditto Iron and Faith and a few others, but out of the 50---yes, I counted them---50+ SPN stories and crossovers that I've posted, they've by and large gotten an enthusiastic reception. IE, my comment-whore self was satistied.

Mind you, when it comes to writing/posting in fandom, I started out in Once Upon a Time in Mexico, which is about as much of a cult fandom as you can get, branching out to Johnny Depp fandoms at large...and knowing nothing else, I was fairly pleased by the response I got.

This was all over at ff.net before I found my way to LJ. I spent about a year tapering off Depp and flirting with other things---Brosnan's Bond, Vin Diesel, who/whatever caught my fancy. I didn't start posting fic here until I got into House, MD, which was an eye-opener. It was my first experience with a mega-fandom, the kind with a vast and voracious audience.

My infatuation with House proved to be fairly brief, about six months with the occasional follow-up ficlet since, because Supernatural had ensnared me. SPN proved to be even more satisfying than House, for me. Lots of comments on LJ, lots of hits at ff.net...this has become the norm.

And now, I seem to be falling in love with Justified, which seems to be more of a cult thing so far, ala OUaTiM. Correspondingly, the two fics I've produced haven't gotten the kind of response I've become accustomed to.

I know, it's not supposed to be about the comments. It's supposed to be about the characters, and making them ring true. It's supposed to be about taking canon and adding to it, about crafting a satisfying coda to events, a prequel that will lead to the truths we already know, something new that blends in with the original. It's supposed to be about the words, refining their inflection and cadence to evoke feelings and images for the reader that make it as believable as the on-screen scenarios. It's supposed to be about love of the fandom---whatever fandom.

Perhaps that's naive of me. My ego certainly wants to stand up and demand recognition. It tosses its head and says, Well yes, they *were* very nice reviews, but there were only FOUR of them. This completely ignores the forty-odd years I spent with no audience whatsoever except the occasional friend I could corner and force-feed my scribblings. How easily we are seduced by fame!

Clearly, it's time for me to suck up my pride and get back to basics. I will write what's in my heart and not concern myself with audience participation. (Easier said than done!) I will be thorough in my editing and not rush to post. I will remember the words of Hemingway, who said, "Write the truest sentence you know", and Leonard, who said, "If it sounds like writing, (I) rewrite it.". And I will try not to be too damn vocal about the whole process.

So mote it be.

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