Confessions of a One-Track Mind

In a more uplifting vein than my last post, a few things have been going right:

The boil water alert has been lifted. Yay!

J drove me around to my bank and I got funds to pay FPL. Then she ran me over to WalMart (less than a mile down the road), which was amusing.

See, I haven't been to the store in more than a week, and was out of everything. There's a S'leven right next to the FPL pay station, but the prices are way better at WalMart. J was suspicious when I said I just needed a few things and would be out in 15 minutes. Her mom Susie was notorious for saying that and coming out two hours later with a train of shopping carts.*

I checked my phone for the time when I went in, and did some speed spending. The usual: caffeine, bread, cheese, eggs, lunch meat, munchies. And I was back at the car with my loot only to find her on the phone...where she remained for another 15 minutes, so I could've taken my time.

Battery situation: Called around and found I can get a reconditioned one with a 1-year warranty, $45. Given the age and general decrepitude of my car, that sounds much more suitable than a brand-new one for $85.

It's too hot to run around hooking up the charger and all that this afternoon. I'll do it first thing in the morning, to avoid heat stroke. Mb, God bless her, is going to follow me to the salvage yard in case I stall out. I figure I'll change out my old battery there for a minimum of back-and-forthing.

Afterward, I'll stop by the beauty supply place for hair color, go home, do my hair, and call GK. At least, that's the plan. In the last 24 hours or so, my mind has been havind a tug-of-war about going to the reunion at all. I know, I've been driving y'all crazy talking about it for the last six months, so WTF, Fluffy?!

Because, really, do I honestly think the great love of my life is going to swoop down and save me from all the crap in my life? Or even buy me dinner, which looks to be kinda pricey, according to their on-line menu.

Face it, my teeth are dreadful. My smile is more scary than seductive. When I say I'm hot, it's in the WRONG sense of the word. (I'm sure I'm going to explode into a sizzling pile of pork rinds any day now.) I'm terrible at small talk, and sometimes I don't even recognize flirtation. Yes, I can dress up, but I have the sick feeling that anything I do is going to look like I'm trying too hard.

It's a chance to hang out with GK and maybe see some people I haven't seen in umpteen years. Supposedly, one of the big cheeses is subsidizing everyone's bar tab. (Mind you, I'm a really cheap drunk, so not a huge incentive, but still....) That's how I need to think of it. IDK. I'll talk with GK tomorrow and see what she thinks.

Saturday, there is talk of seeing a movie. Which one will depend on whetheer the kids are off touring KSC. If they're not, "Brave" has been mentioned. Otherwise, GK and I are both enthused about "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter". Frankly, I'd rather spend the $8 on a movie ticket than an over-priced hamberger at the reunion.

I'm just hoping the weather will be decent for the picnic tomorrow afternoon and to catch a swim in GK's hotel pool. I'm really looking forward to that!

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* That was right up there with her habit of telling someone on the phone, "I'm on my way out the door right now!", when in fact she was just getting ready to take a shower. I personally witnessed this on more than one occasion; the woman was constitutionally incapable of being on time for anything.

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Today's mail brought a manila envelope from GK. Got a sheaf of EW covers starring Johnny Depp, an article about Boston-based mystery writers, and a bunch of photos from 1986 through 1998. The photos were mind-bending. My reaction to most of them was OMG, WTF are you wearing?!

As much as I would like to chalk some of it up to bad camera angles, peach shorts ovr a black swimsuit is never going to be picturesque in a good way. (September 1st, 1986)

Another *major* WTF was of a dress that I got as a hand-me-down from a co-worker at the answring service. It's a white tee-shirt dress painted with abstract pink flowers and green stems and adorned with what looks like giant silver dragees. Dreadful---but what's worse, I still have it, albeit in a pile of stuff to Go Away. Circa 1990.

The one that stirred up the most agita, though, was of me in a certain turquoise shirtwaist dress. I got it, new with tagws, from Susie, who'd gotten it from Lane Bryant, tried it on, and it was absurdly too big for her. I said it looked like I could wear it; she took it off and told me if it fit, I could have it---and it did. I wore it when I interviewed and got the answering service job, February 1988.

It fit well at the time. I gained weight, the waist stretched out, I kept wearing it...I wore the hell out of that thing. And even when it was toward the end of its days, I got compliments on it. It was a good color for me.

In the photo, dated January 1993, I'm sitting in one of those white plastic stacking chairs. There's a Christmas tree with a mountain of still-wrapped gifts in the background. In the foreground, I've got my hands clasped across my sloping Buddha belly, like I'm trying to stop myself from melting.

Christmas 1997 and 1998. Several shots feature me posing in a long leopard-print chiffon scarf. GK gave it to me for Christmas 1997, and I loved it. Wore it to tatters, I did. It's probably still kicking around here, although I've gotten a similar one in better shape. Gal's gotta have her leopard-print!

One thing I will say: Having grown the color out of my hair, I really did look better blonde. I may have to go back to tinting it, because it looks very dull as it is.

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I find it highly offensive that an ad labeled "Plus Size Dresses for Hot Weather" took me to this website. What are they trying to say about wearers of plus size dresses? Even speculating irks me, because the innuendo I'm getting is "stupid and lazy". Grrr. Bozos.

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Finally got through to Unemployment, where a nice lady named Melanie got things straightened out so I SHOULD see money next week.

Met up with Big Red, collected chocolate and a WalMart gift card. Yay.

Went by 'Bunny's and collected leftovers and schmoozed. Yay.

Came home and found out my goddamned refrigerator has died. Fuckity-doo-dah. The fact that I have a whole turkey, two packkages of pork ribs, some ground beef, ground turkey and assorted other things in the freezer alone---fucked. Can you say fucked?

Nothing is ever simple, and "It's all good" never seems to last for more than five minutes or so.

I swear, I'd sell a kidney if I could find any takers. A-positive, anyone?

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11:30 PM< ETA:

I flipped the kitchen breakers on and off and, cross your fingers, everything has frozen back up and the temp is down to 20. Maybe a door was ajar...? I didn't think so, but...given the fact that this fridge was at least secondhand when I got it, I suppose I ought to start thinking about a replacement.

If that wasn't stressful enough, I headed over to church for a small soiree, and got pulled over by a sheriff's deputy who claimed that I hadn't completely stopped before a right on red. Oh, and the fact that my tag *technically* expired on my birthday...all he did was give me a warning, but I honestly didn't need that shit.

Made a helluva good deal at church: Someone brought in three rotisserie chickens for the event, and there was a whole one left over, for which I swappeed the remainder of my birthday sheet cake. (9/10ths left, and there was no way *I* could eat it single-handedly.)


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I'm in a thoroughly evil mood. I'm sad and overly sensitive, and if I need hand-holding, it's to keep me from slapping people who make light of my feelings or contradict me in any way. Right now, I'm not logical, I'm not entirely sure I'm sane---I went to WalMart Friday evening and was hallucinating Kat everywhere---and it takes very little to set me off.

I'm also recuperating from my annual case of tonsilitis. Usually that's accompanied by a full-on head cold and respiratory congestion, but this time it was 95% tonsils. I've slept about 16 of the last 48 hours, which I guess I needed, and I still feel like crap.

GK arrives tomorrow (en famile), will be in a hotel, as hubby's job pays for it, at least the first few days when he'll be working. There's supposedly a hot tub on the premises, which would be divine if the weather would warm up. (She was saying on the phone that she checked the local Florida temps on line, and that we're as cold as she is in Massachusetts!)

And IMO FWIW, Valentine's Day SUCKS.

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* And if you don't know what I'm talking about, the answer is in "An Answer to Prayer", which I posted a couple days ago. And it's being ignored. I'm getting more response from the Pit of Voles, which doesn't lighten my mood any.

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Here's what happened. I was leaving Aldi's with some necessities (meatballs, crackers and trail mix), when a guy on a bicycle rolled up to me. He was good-looking in a gone-to-seed Eric Roberts kind of way (Is that redundant?), and he said, "I'm a cancer patient, and I need $2 so I can pick up my prescription."

Okay, cancer patient was a trigger, needless to say, and I almost grabbed my wristlet and started fumbling for change.

Then I took a closer look. His arms were covered with the open sores I associate with drug users, and I wasn't about to donate $2 that *I* need to enable a habit. And for a sick man, he wasn't having any trouble riding around on that bike.

So I gave him my best "I'm really very sorry. I wish I could, but I'm out of work and I just don't have it. I'm SO sorry."

Now I'm second-guessing myself. What if he really does have cancer? Maybe I should have offered to go to the pharmacy and retrieve it for him, to see if there really was a 'scrip. At the very least, I should've wished him good health and good luck.

Honestly, I don't know if I'm a sucker or a bitch. It's hard to tell, sometimes.
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Got my benefits package from work, and I am *so* not a happy camper. The involuntary $160 pay cut I took for these so-called benefits pissed me off to begin with, now I'm finding out they want me to pay in addition to that? Fuckity-fuck-fuck!

It doesn't include optical, either. Grrr!