Good grief, another one! (More of what set me off this morning)

[vanillafluffy]

From a different source, I have a 24 year old actress saying, "Monogamy is a weird thing for me. It's an overrated virtue, because, let's face it, we're fucking animals."

I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and *presume* she isn't talking about beasiality. Since I'm older than both of these chickies added together, I'm trying to remember what being 24 felt like---quite a bit hornier than 47, I seem to recall, and 47 still has the urge, yes indeedy.

But still.

That's two young women in less than 12 hours who've gone on record equating the sex drive with animal instinct that it's okay to pursue at will. Now, far be it from me to put down sex. Find me the right individual, and I'm good with that! For me, "the right individual" is the crux of the sentence. I don't want to screw just anyone: I want a partner, someone I have things in common with after we've climbed back out of bed (or the backseat, or wherever). If I just want a quick orgasm, I can take care of that myself in a few minutes without the bother of getting dressed up to troll for a temporary "mate". My emotional needs outweigh my physical needs.

I'm disturbed by the spirit of indiscriminate fuckery that permeates both these quotes, which ignores the fact that some animals ARE monogamous. "Monogamy is weird." I find myself wondering if both these girls are from broken homes. What examples were set for them in their formative years? How did they both arrive at this conclusion?

Maybe I'm the one who's hopelessly old-fashioned. After all, my parents had a stable, 35 year marriage until my mom's death. (My dad didn't go hunting for women afterward, either, although he did rent porn vids.) My mother was shocked that I thought sex before marriage was okay; this sort of thinking would've made her swoon. I may not have bought into that, but I do insist on love before sex, animal instinct or no. Does that make me anticuado, a fossil? *sigh* Perhaps so.

It's my self-respect, I think I'll keep it.

Comments

[martian-aries.livejournal.com]

You're not a fossil. I'm still a youngling, and while I think sex pre-marriage is fine (if not normal), I think love before sex --or trust at the very least --is mandatory. Maybe that's why I haven't gotten any yet: boys my age aren't very loveable. Which also explains my attraction to older men, I suppose. :-d

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

My mom was a different generation: she was almost forty when she had me, so she had certain very firm convictions. Some of them rubbed off on me without me being aware of it. For instance, my sex life would've started MUCH earlier if I hadn't been convinced that I'd ruin my life if I got pregnant outside of marriage. These days, nobody seems to give that a second thought. At least a third of the women at my last workplace had kids and no husband in sight. (All under 30.) I'm not sorry I didn't take the chance, though. I'm not really cut out for motherhood.

Older men...it's a funny thing about that. When I was in my teens and twenties, guys my own age weren't attractive to me. Now I'm 40-something and gawd, when did those young guys get so hot? *mind boggles* I feel like such a perv, sometimes!

[socialhermit.livejournal.com]

If you're a fossil, then I'm one too (and I'm not apologizing for it). It's probably my Christian faith that makes me a believer in monogamy, but still... both men AND women are perfectly capable of being true to their partner - if they simply make up their mind to be. While I can certainly appreciate (or even fantasize about) a good-looking guy, I would NEVER cheat on my spouse. It's just *wrong*. This current "I don't know if I believe in monogamy" or "I'm not sure I can be monogamous" trend is nothing more than immature, self-centered bullshit.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Amen, sister! Okay, that sums up my opinion pretty well, but the other view seems so prevalent these days, that I've been scratching my head and going, "WTF? When did monogamy become politically incorrect?!"

I think that's when I knew my relationship with my ex- wasn't going to survive---when I found myself daydreaming about a better relationship with someone else. Not anyone I specifically knew, but not HIM. Not Johnny Depp or Vin Diesel, just a guy who wasn't going to trash my feelings and act like it was my all fault.

[socialhermit.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's 'politically incorrect' as much as it's simply TRENDY.

((eye roll))

Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying that everyone has to get married, or even be in a faithful relationship. To each their own, you know? What I *am* saying is that anyone can be monogamous, if they put their mind to it. Puh-leese, it's not that hard.

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

I'm twenty one and I don't believe in marriage (and that sounds like it should be the opening of a meeting of some kind), and I can also kind of get my head around polyamourous relationships.
But I'm not interested in sex with anyone I don't think I could spend the rest of my life with, really build something with. The idea of having sex just because you someone you happen to fancy at the time seems, well, a waste, really. You could be having a really good and interesting time with someone you really like (whether that involves sex or not).

Most animals are monogamous. That means something different to 'mate for life' which applies to wolves, penguins, a significant number of birds (I think), many primates (not all of which are monogomous), possibly platypuses, and many other animals, as well as humans.

Monogamy is not just only sleeping with one person over a set period of time. It really is about having a relationship with someone. And not wanting that, thinking that that life long partnership is strange is sad. Perhaps you're not 'ready to settle down yet,' but agrh! These are supposed to be my rolemodels, aren't they? (I'm sticking with Lily Tomlin and Hugh Laurie, thanks.)

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

I've always liked to think of myself as an open-minded person. Live and let live and all that. I can wrap my head around all kinds of things in theory, but I honestly don't know how well they'd work in real life. Depends on the people involved, I guess.

I know couples who don't have that magic piece of paper, but they're partners, they're united, I can't imagine them NOT being together. And I've seen marriages fall apart for reasons I can't understand. For that matter, there's at least one couple in my orbit that throws me every time: I can't stand him! She could've done better! -- but they've been together for more than a decade. And it *still* mystifies me.

I understand that some relationships just aren't worth staying in, but at what point does that become a cop-out? It's too hard to fix, just throw it out and get a new one? Where's the dividing line?

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

I can understand a lot of things, and I don't really comment on other people's relationships. Even the ones where I do kind of think, 'well, exactly why are you together?'

But I still can't understand that sort of dismissiveness towards a deeper relationship that was in those quotes you found. I don't really mind what people have found, if they're happy and it works and it's good. But I still do assume that people are looking for something like that in their life.

Maybe it is something moralistic in me. A moral judgement about people's relationships with others. Hmm.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Comment, no. Observe, yes. Part of being a writer, looking at things and wondering what's beneath the fascade, why things work or don't work, and how they came about, if I don't know. Like, the relationship that baffles me involves one of my oldest friends, and I wouldn't hurt/antagonize her by saying anything. It's her life, it's her business---I just wonder. And being human, have my *own* opinion about it.

[secondsilk.livejournal.com]

Oh, yes.
My friends come to me for relationship advice, and I do get a little voyeristic about it maybe, more interested in the specific details and thoughts and things than I really should be. But the question I always ask them is, 'what do want?' and my advice is, 'so that, do what makes you comfortable and happy and able to live with it.'

I'm for a certain selfishness in relationships, and because I don't feel the way they do about their partners, I can't tell how much their own feelings are bound up with their partners'. And maybe the fact that I am only on their side, where they have to also be on the side of maintain the relationship is where my advice is valuable.

But I do wonder. I think that's very human. Learning from other people's mistakes and actions is a uniquely human attribute, and one that really needs to be exercised more.

[hippediva.livejournal.com]

Well, there is still a big-ass difference between 24 and 47....I can remember when I was 24, sex was still a huge wonderment...and I was married at 22. *G* I remember my mother giving me grief about the fact that we had lived together at college (sleight of hand---don't ask! *snerk*) for 3 years and my answer still stands: Why would I marry---LEGALLY BIND MYSELF---to anyone without knowing if I could live with them or not? You wouldn't buy an expensive dress without trying it on first, would you?

She was not amused but I honestly can say that I did my time with free-wheeling open sex and that it can be terrific fun, but I'm damned glad I was done with most of that kind of thing before sex could kill ya. Age may not bring wisdom, but it certainly does breed exhaustion and a tendency to snore with the tv on. *LOL*

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm gonna own this, and it may be WAY TMI, but technically I didn't lose my virginity until I was 39. (If one defines that as going to bed with a member of the opposite sex. Same sex, well, a couple experiments in my 20s and 30s. On the whole, I'd say I'm 85% het.) Not because I was dedicated to celibacy, by any means, but because it seemed like the guys I was interested in didn't reciprocate, and the guys who were, I didn't. *Finally* I met someone who struck sparks and ended up in a heavy-duty relationship for 4 years...and the trouble was, he thought monogamy was optional, and I thought it was mandatory. So...I'm on the market again, older and wiser. I have no regrets about having waited, but I'm not sorry about the relationship, either. It may have been the wrong relationship for a lot of the wrong reasons, but it was definitely a Learning Experience.

[hippediva.livejournal.com]

*G* Not TMI at all, luv. The good thing is there is no 'right' or 'wrong' way to go about living one's life with others and that does include sex. *G* What I've found at 52 is that monogamy is not mandatory but it certainly is preferrable. Like lying, sleeping around requires far too much effort. You have to remember to get tested, ask pertinent (albeit sometimes embarrassing) questions and all that. It's just easier to be faithful----and, in my case with Sonny, a helluva lot more fun. I'm definitely getting old but I like it!! ROFL!

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Hey, good on you if you're still satisfied with the choice you made back in the day. That's kinda what I was driving at---it's certainly possible; why is it becoming less and less the norm?

[socialhermit.livejournal.com]

Okay, I'm gonna own this, and it may be WAY TMI, but technically I didn't lose my virginity until I was 39.

Man, I wish *I'd* waited til I was in my 30's before I had sex. It would've prevented a helluva lot of grief!

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

Which is one of the strongest reasons I waited...

But y'know, after the first few months of gorging, so to speak, on the pleasures of the flesh, it stopped being a novelty. Now, the best thing I can say about it all is, well, now I can write porn with a helluva lot more confidence.

[socialhermit.livejournal.com]

well, now I can write porn with a helluva lot more confidence.

ROFLMAO! You've got a point, there! ;-)

[sorchar.livejournal.com]

Well, I figure to each their own, but dude, I've been married almost fifteen years and we're doin' just fine.

[vanillafluffy.livejournal.com]

*applauds you*